Redneck Words

Joke ID#93
Funny (2.83)
Rating (0.59)
Submitted Bysomething
Corrected By boodler
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The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

Hire yew - noun. Greeting - How are you - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Howdy. How are you."

Bard - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

Jawjuh - noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Atlanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

Munts - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

Ignert - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

Ranch - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

All - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

Far - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

Bahs - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"

Tar - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

Tire - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

Retard - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

Tarred - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

Fat - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.

Ar - pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

Rats - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

Farn - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."

Did - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

Ear - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"

Bob war - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

Jew - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

Haze - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert."

Saw - verb, past tense.

View - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"

Heavy dew - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

Gummit - noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."

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