The Internet

Joke ID#5865
Funny (2.84)
Rating (0.66)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted Byjuggleboy502
Corrected By boodler
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This is how you know if you are addicted to the internet:

1) You kiss you girlfriend's home page.

2.) Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

3.) Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them.

4.) You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to Google.

5.) You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.

6.) You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.

7.) You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your kid in the overhead compartment.

8.) Your dreams are in HTML.

9.) You find yourself typing ".com" after every period when using a word processor.

10.) You turn your computer off and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug of your loved one.

11.) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

12.) You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au"

13.) Your heart races faster and beats irredgularly each time you see a new WWW site address printed on the TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.

14.) You step out of the room and realize that your roomates have moved and you don't have any idea when it happened.

15.) You turn up the volume read loud when leaving the room so you can hear if anyone IM's you.

16.) You wife drapes a blonde wig over the monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

17.) All of your friends have an @ in their names.

18.) Looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice that you've been to all of them.

19.) Your dog has its own webpage.

20.) You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated by a 17" LCD Flat-Panel Monitor.

21.) You check your mail. It says "no new messages." so you check it again.

22.) You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

23.) You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral screennames and you never bothered to ask.

24.) You name your children Google, Friendster and Blogger.

25.) You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest MP3's off Kazaa Lite.

26.) You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.

27.) You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back.

28.) Your virtual girlfriend finds a new sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.

29.) You buy a Captain Kirk Chair with a built in keyboard and mouse.

30.) Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer can not come to bed."

31.) The last hottie you picked up was only a jpeg.

32.) You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you're pretending to catch your breath.

33.) You ask a plumber how much it would cost you to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

34.) You forget what year it is.

35.) You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

36.) You ask a doctor to implant a terrabyte in your brain.

37.) Your sweetie says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer and network them together so that you can IM each other any time.

38.) As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

39.) You start using smileys in your snail mail

40.) You bring a bag lunch to the computer.

41.) You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.

42.) You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.

43.) You type faster than you think.

44.) You double click your TV remote.

45.) You can now type over 70 WPM.

46.) You check your e-mail and forget you have real mail.

47.) You go into withdrawals during dinner.

48.) You rank your friends by the amount of bandwith they have.

49.) You have "Googled" all your friends to try to find out anything interesting that they are not telling you and you can use against them later.

50.) You message someone via IM when they are less than 20 feet away.

51.) The sound of the keys clicking turns you on.

52.) You have more browsers than friends in the real world.

53.) You actually say I-M-O and A-T-M to real friends rather than 'in my opinion' and 'at the moment'. And they give you strange looks.

54.) You run four chat programs all at once... Yahoo Messenger, ICQ, AIM and MSN

55.) You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.

56.) You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.

57.) You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.

58.) You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.

59.) You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

60.) Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the bloodshot eyes.

61.) The letters have come off your keyboard from excessive use.

62.) You order pizza online - because you can't be bothered to call.

63.) You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.

64.) You look at an annoying person off-line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.

65.) You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and ** kisses**.

66.) You're on the phone and say BRB.

67.) The last movie you've seen was on your Quicktime player.

And finally...

68.) You actually get these jokes and tell them to other friends who are addicted to the internet!

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