Funny Thoughts 4


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Joke ID#9289
Funny (2.49)
Rating (0.65)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted Bychocoholic471
Corrected By kebron
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If we had a president that was a woman, would her husband be the first man?
Why do we have to wait till the water starts boiling before we can put pasta into the water?
If a criminal turns himself in shouldn't he get the reward money?
Why are blue Christmas lights so popular? Aren't red and green the traditional colors?
Why do police officers wear tight clothes and dressy shoes? wouldn't that make them slower when chasing someone?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why do birds bob their heads when they walk?
Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?
How come wine and hard liquor doesn't come in cans, but beer does?
When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
If people say if you eat dessert before dinner it will ruin your appetite won't eating dinner before dessert ruin your appetite for dessert?
Why do they call him a Skipper when he just stands there?
Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If I raise the volume on my radio, does it use more electricity?
What would happen if: Everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
If you died on the International Dateline, and half of you were on 1 side and the other half on the other side, what day would you die?
If someone crashes his or her car on purpose, why is it still a car accident?
If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
If Sunday is the holy day of rest why do we have to get up early for church?
When you snap your fingers, does the sound occur when your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your middle finger hits the palm of your hand?
Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn't they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
What is the parking situation like at the Special Olympics?
If the police see some one committing a crime but are on there way to investigate a crime do they stop or go to the one they were on their way to?
Seeing as cupid is so good at matchmaking, does he have a girlfriend?
Is an alcoholic just a drunk that's scared of a hangover?
If shampoo comes in so many colors, why is the lather on your head always white?
If a table is propped up can it be propped down?
If our planet is inhabited with creatures made by God...is it possible that there's another planet inhabited with creatures made by the Devil?
Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian Pizza?
How come, in the Mini Wheat's commercials, Sweets has a Brooklyn accent and Wheat's has an English accent? They're attached at the back, wouldn't they have been raised in the same place?
Why do people, such as S.W.A.T or Seals wear the bulletproof vests where you can see them? Wouldn't people aim for their head or crotch?
If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?
Can you fart and burp at the same time?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Have you ever heard of a raisin that is not dry?
If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?
If your glove is too big, does it still fit like a glove?
Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?
Since you have to pull over when you see a funeral coming down the road...what would you do if there were a funeral coming down both sides?
If you can test drive cars at the dealer's, why not test-drive lawnmowers around at a hardware store?
Is there anything easier done than said?
Is it possible for a narcoleptic to have insomnia?
Since the U.S. says United We Stand, does that offend legless people?
If no one buys a ticket to a movie, does the movie still play?
Are you able to fart in heaven?
Why isn't sour cream really sour?
Do they re-use body bags? Or do they throw them away and get new ones? The people using them wouldn't care anyway?
Why isn't the Q or the Z included on the phone
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Do ducks sneeze?
Why is that when fish die in water, they float to the top, but when humans die in water, they sink to the bottom?
Don't you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?
Why do they call it "morning sickness" in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible?
If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it?
Can vampires donate blood?
If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire would it go to?
If you could walk through the walls, wouldn't you fall through the floor?
How come when you go in the front door of a church, you are at the back of the church, and if you go in the back door, you would end up in the front of the church?
If your named Will and you are in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?
Why is there an L in NOEL?
If you eat regular rice crispies with chocolate milk will it taste the same as eating co-co crispies with regular milk?
Why is Bra singular and Panties plural?
What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
If they develop a supersonic train, will they give it a whistle?
Do fish ever get thirsty?
Why can't we sneeze with our eyes open?
If there were a knowledge contest, would the female winner be called Miss Informed?
If you stick on stickers on non-stick pans, would they stick on?
Why don't ducks duck when you shoot at them?
On a hamburger bun, why is the top bun always bigger than the bottom one?
Why does breaking a mirror mean seven years of bad luck when seven is a lucky number??
Can angels eat devils food cake?
If I think, and therefore I am, am I just a thought?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Why do the numbers on the phone go one way, but the numbers on the calculator go the other way?
Why do we tie shoes to the back of a car for newly weds?
Is it possible to do stand-up comedy sitting down?
Is bad a bad word?
If dinosaurs had sores.........what would they be called?
What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
Why does the label on children's Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles when it's for CHILDREN!?
Why do they call front seat shotgun?
Why are all farms red?
Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?
Why is there not a Channel 1 on TV?
Why are there dents in a golf ball?
Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not?
What would happen if u put a humidifier and a dehumdifier in the same room?
Are one handed people offended when police tell them to put their hands up?
If you built a time machine with all new parts, when you went back would the parts you use dissapear because they didn't exist then?
How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
What do mermaids eat?
If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?
If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?
If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible?
Is atheism is a non-prophet organization?
If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?
If a policecar, an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck are all at a 4 way stop who has the right away?
Why are all farms red?
why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks aren't?
Are there female leprechauns?
Do judges and lawyers do jury duty?
Do fish sleep?
Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light?




Comments on this Joke
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Posted by chocoholic471 Dec 29, 2005

sry there are so many.

Comment score: -1  

Posted by chocoholic471 Mar 20, 2006

how old are you jokelover?? just wondering.....b/c if u really think i thought of those and typed them out, ur crazy

Comment score: 0  

Posted by Eins May 18, 2006

"Why do people, such as S.W.A.T or Seals wear the bulletproof vests where you can see them? Wouldn't people aim for their head or crotch?" SWAT uses it because it stops pistol whots, most of them anyways. And the Seals wear them to stop shrapnel. It's refered to as Kevlar, its not bulletproof it just slows done shots and can stop pistol shots. If they were to have a rifle shot at there kevlar and it was a high enough calibur it would go starit though. So like I said, the kevlar the seals wear is mostly to stop shrapnel from fragm,entation grenades.... And by that of course I mean, good joke =D

Comment score: 2  

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