Children's Bible Essays


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Joke ID#333
Funny (2.34)
Rating (0.61)
CategoryChildren  
Submitted ByGizzer
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In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humour thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.




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Posted by Gizzer Mar 20, 2003

These stories were assembled by Richard Lederer; they appeared in National Review magazine, Dec 31, 1995

Comment score: 0  

Posted by schatzy228 Mar 24, 2006

ACTUALLY, MORE BELIEVABLE THAN THE REAL THING

Comment score: 1  

Posted by EnderofGames Mar 24, 2006

ya, right. If you dont believe the real thing excisted, than Noah couldn't have, and I don't know how his wife was Joan.... In other words... Great! Now people are going to go around believeing this, like all those idiots do.

Comment score: 3  

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