A Job Application


Details
Joke ID#1946
Funny (2.89)
Rating (0.54)
CategoryAt Work  
Submitted Byavril_lavigne
Corrected By newf
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This is an actual job application!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.






Comments on this Joke
Hide Comments Below :
Posted by hilo Jul 26, 2003

sounds like one of my applications

Comment score: 5  

Posted by TheBigCheese Jul 28, 2003

i've heard this joke, you probably stole this joke from funnyjunk.com

Comment score: -1  

Posted by avril_lavigne Jul 29, 2003

actually I didn't !

Comment score: 0  

Posted by vvz227 Aug 23, 2003

i no, ive heard it from funnyjunk.com but who cares! i mean its not like u cant take a joke from another website. i still like it though

Comment score: -1  

Posted by absy Dec 07, 2003

umm not to mention there is another one like this too.

Comment score: -1  

Posted by ac3p1l07 Jun 20, 2005

That last comment didn't make any sense

Comment score: -1  

Posted by Celanba Apr 08, 2006

I've heard this joke before, and there's a part you're missing: "SIGN HERE-Aries"

Comment score: 0  

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