Men and Women


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Joke ID#15994
Funny (2.71)
Rating (0.82)
CategoryMen / Women  
Submitted Byshenqiang
Corrected By boodler
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I. Why does a man wants to have a WIFE?

Because: W = Washing I = Ironing F = Food E = Entertainment.

Why does a woman wants to have a HUSBAND?

Because: H = Housing U = Understanding S = Sharing B = Buying A = and N = Never D = Demanding.


II. HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

Show up naked. Bring Beer.

III. How To Impress A Man:

Trust him, cook at least 3 meals a day, go shopping often, don't ask him for the money, smile when you are mad, give him your paychecks, talk softly, don't ask where he is on Friday/Saturday/Sunday, love him, always say 'Yes dear', believe in his gambling, iron his clothes, polish his shoes, clean the house, know many recipes, pretend you enjoy beer/wine, be independent, wear Victoria's Secret clothes

How To Impress A Women

Make money & give her the money!

IV. Women's English...

Yes = No.

No = Yes.

Maybe = No.

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.

We need = I want.

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead!

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.




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