Thirty lines to make you smile...


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Joke ID#14465
Funny (2.91)
Rating (0.88)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted Bysgp538306
Corrected By timmycool
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1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. The cemetary must be the best place on earth; people are dying to get in there.

4. Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6. Don't take life too seriously; no-one gets out alive.

7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10. I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.

11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13. God must love stupid people; he made so many.

14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

19. Procrastinate now!

20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; do you Want fries with that?

21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.




Comments on this Joke
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Posted by thekewlestkid Feb 07, 2007

these are hilarious... i love these things. number 24 made me lol

Comment score: 0  

Posted by lizzysboy69 Feb 27, 2007

HAHA very funny really great i have like 9 of these on different t shirts

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