Gas


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Joke ID#126
Funny (3.26)
Rating (0.72)
CategoryGross  
Submitted Bysomething
Corrected By boodler
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Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems." So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.
A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off any ill effect by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner, and before she knew it she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted.

Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her, exclaming delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her then led her to a chair at the table. Just as he was about to remove the blindfold the phone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold till he came back, then he went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted the weight to one leg, and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelt like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk coming from a pulp mill. She took a napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears turned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signed the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with the napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself, she was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removes the blindfold to reveal twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a first Happy Anniversary!




Comments on this Joke
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Posted by Sarah5225766 Jul 02, 2005

Actually, it's not a dupe unless someone else posted it on this website first. Your allowed to get your jokes from other websites, you just have to beat other people when putting it on here. Anyway, great joke!

Comment score: -1  

Posted by Shastaki Jun 14, 2006

I've heard it before, except it was with a man instead.

Comment score: -1  

Posted by beccajimmy4ever Sep 01, 2006

Comment score: -1  

Posted by McChucles Dec 22, 2006

Heh I thought it was hilarious. I would so die of embarassment

Comment score: -1  

Posted by BBKatsu Nov 29, 2007

Legend...

Comment score: 0  

Posted by evil996 Nov 14, 2009

imagine her shock! imagine how shocked the guests would be.

Comment score: 0  

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