Funny Instructions


Details
Joke ID#11026
Funny (3.37)
Rating (0.22)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted ByComfyAndJoy
Corrected By Battery
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Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)




Comments on this Joke
Hide Comments Below :
Posted by Math_freak Apr 08, 2006

THAT ONE WAS SUPER HILARIOUS! I BURST MY HEAD OFF LAUGHING!!

Comment score: 9  

Posted by iglo1234 Apr 08, 2006

THATS HILLARIOUS

Comment score: 4  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Apr 28, 2006

it is not a dupe, it's still instructions but not the same ones

Comment score: 3  

Posted by BeAchG25 May 18, 2006

There are some briliant people in the world today!!!!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy May 18, 2006

yea i know.. weird ain't it?

Comment score: 2  

Posted by Shastaki May 22, 2006

For the chainsaw one, the actual instruction says: Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals. Personally I think it's more funny that way!

Comment score: 7  

Posted by Question_Sleep Jun 11, 2006

Who would try to stop a chainsaw like THAT?!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by manintheshadows Jun 11, 2006

thats what makes it funny

Comment score: 6  

Posted by creeskye Jun 26, 2006

Love it!

Comment score: 6  

Posted by girliepie Jul 01, 2006

THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!

Comment score: 5  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Jul 05, 2006

ok here's the deal, in theirs, it didn't give some of the little extra things,I was adding to that because I thought other people might like to read the little extra things

Comment score: 0  

Posted by shaggyrogers1234 Jul 12, 2006

there is another one called 19 directions you have the same ones as that but he has more you still copied

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Anjhelprayer Jul 24, 2006

I don't care what anyone else says it is super FUNNY

Comment score: 4  

Posted by MansyP Jul 26, 2006

omg who cares if its a dupe or not! i thought that it was a good joke.Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment score: 3  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Jul 28, 2006

You see there are no new jokes!! I mean I added the little things that the other user didn't. Like they said, On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. But I added, (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) Don't you people pay attention!!! Sorry If I seemed rude.

Comment score: 0  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Jul 28, 2006

The Don't you people pay attention!! part wusn't wut i added in the joke

Comment score: 3  

Posted by C_G_KITTY Aug 05, 2006

that was funny ----------------cassy--------------

Comment score: 2  

Posted by djsoccer Aug 09, 2006

I don't care if it was a dupe or not, it was super funny!!!!!!! I've seen it on other websites but I always crack up everytime I read it.

Comment score: 3  

Posted by locked_in_hell Aug 28, 2006

Comment score: 2  

Posted by sweetmariah Aug 30, 2006

I loved that one! It was hilarious!!!

Comment score: 3  

Posted by sweetmariah Aug 30, 2006

My laughing muscles hurt.

Comment score: 3  

Posted by joy2chipmunk Oct 04, 2006

Ok well actually, you didnt really come up with the little side somments comfyandjoy, because i got a chainmail like 2 years ago, with this same thing, AND the comments on it

Comment score: -1  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Oct 06, 2006

You know what, I don't really care, so will you people just stop bugging me!!! I'm simply saying that that other dude didn't add those little things, so i added them. I didn't say I came up with them!!! I just added them!!! OMGOSH

Comment score: 0  

Posted by flamehead Oct 25, 2006

THAT WAS Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!

Comment score: -1  

Posted by skullface_42 Oct 29, 2006

What wus halarious? The joke or comfyandjoy fighting wit all the others? Ha, ha.

Comment score: -1  

Posted by haha92 Nov 23, 2006

i have to admit their are some pretty dumb people out there.

Comment score: -1  

Posted by cheesetoast Mar 28, 2007

Hard to read with adjad or what ever that was. Made it hard to internalize.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Apr 01, 2007

That is NOT what i submitted I submitted This: Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods... On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this...) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Comment score: 2  

Posted by Battery Apr 01, 2007

dont worry, it will be corrected in a few days

Comment score: 1  

Posted by hubluza Apr 02, 2007

Weirddd. I corrected it to be messed up.. I guess THIS is why i cant edit anymore. Thats probalply why it says it has not been edited!

Comment score: -1  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Apr 03, 2007

I h8 u hubluza

Comment score: 0  

Posted by Alexeagle Apr 27, 2007

What's up with all of these fgsfs?

Comment score: 2  

Posted by Battery Apr 27, 2007

The joke used to read what comfyandjoy wrote in her comment. Hubluza "corrected" it and the majority of editors on this site dont check if the correction is okay or not. Hubluza got stripped of his editing powers and the joke was able to be corrected again. I tried to correct it, but for some reason it hasnt changed.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Apr 27, 2007

thanx 4 trying

Comment score: 0  

Posted by Battery Apr 29, 2007

No problem . It's annoying that people vote it down just because of all the random letters

Comment score: 2  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy May 12, 2007

Thx Battery, it's back to normal now! Thank u sooooo much!!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by Battery May 12, 2007

No problem

Comment score: 2  

Posted by bballrox55 Jun 21, 2007

OMFG THAT WAS HILARIOUS!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by yojdnayfmoc Jul 23, 2007

LOL. Halarious! Keep 'em coming!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by ouchy1 Nov 01, 2007

my son had a halloween scythe with a label: Be sure head is secured before use.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by lolgirl Dec 20, 2007

Omygosh! that was so hilarious! i love that. i cant believe some of those things today

Comment score: 2  

Posted by yo_girl Mar 04, 2008

OMG best ever

Comment score: 4  

Posted by ltblupngn Jul 04, 2008

hilarious!! plus, joy2chipmunks, does it really matter if ALL the jokes are completely unique? i mean like im sure it shouldnt matter if u see/hear a joke u really like and put it up here...

Comment score: 0  

Posted by kappa64 Jul 10, 2008

HAHA that was hilarious everybody will you stop fighting? its kinda annoying.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Jul 11, 2008

we stopped fighting a LONG time ago.

Comment score: 1  

Posted by GEGEGE Jan 01, 2009

LMAO American Airlines was one of the best

Comment score: -1  

Posted by GEGEGE Jan 01, 2009

LMAO American Airlines was one of the best

Comment score: 1  

Posted by glowtmickey May 26, 2009

My favorite was probaly the Korean Knife.

Comment score: -1  

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