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Call Center humor

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taran083

Posts: 6

new Posted: 04:17AM Mar 13, 2006

Some people just dont understand what an Answering Service is. We are those people you speak to at night (because the business is closed) and you have some emergency or whatnot that you need to have the business contacted. We are the middle men that can do this for you. Say, for instance, that your water heater just blew up and you have water all over the place. There would be 2 people you call. 1) a plumber, cause now you have no hot water. and 2) A carpet company because you need to have water extracted (Water heaters can hold a LOT of water) This being just one typical call an answering service operator would get, the range of calls can go alot more. Just to name the list of types of companies you call afterhours would be "Doctor offices, Lawyer offices, Heating and Air conditioning offices, Tree companies, Apartment complexes (for Maintenance), Real estate offices, etc etc etc... the list goes on.


The point that i'm coming up to (and i'm sure you're wondering) Is the level of stupidity that i had to endure with while being an operator. These happened alot more than you realize, and unfortunately, we cant be rude on the phone, or negative, or condescending. But sometimes we wish we could bend the rules just a little bit, or break them altogether, especially when we get calls like these....


One night, right around 10pm, a gentleman calls up really irate. He apparently had a bill saying he owed alot of money, and no matter what happens, he was very insistent that it get's corrected that night. Now being that im a third party messenger, i obviously can't fix his bill. The best i could do would be to take a message, and have the office call him (when they're open) and then it would be taken care of. Here is what SHOULD have been said...

Caller: I need to speak to someone RIGHT now about my bill. I don't care who you have to contact, you do it.

Me: Well sir, i'm sorry, it's 10 o'clock at night. There is no one that can help you with your bill. I could take a message and they will get it in the morning.

Caller: That's not good enough. You need to call them right now. I am NOT a happy customer.

Me: Again, i am sorry. I-

Caller: (interrupting) You do what i tell you to do. you call the manager right now and get them on the phone! I don't need some minimum-wage nobody telling me I can't take care of this right now.

(Here is where you start thinking about what you would say if some dumb ignorant guy was saying this stuff to you.... Here is what i would say)

Me: (long pause for dramatic effect) Excuse me sir. Do I interrupt you?

Caller: (still irate) Not the-

Me: oops, i just did. Now let me ask you, are you at work now?

Caller: Of course not, i'm at-

Me: Then why do you think this office CARES right now, at 10 oclock in the evening, that you have a problem that can obviously wait until 8am tomorrow morning? Would you like it if you had a hard day at work, and at 10 oclock at night if you were tired and resting with your family, watching a movie, or maybe in the middle of some private time with your wife, and some idiot calls you wanting to know, right now, if he should wear matched socks, a polka dot tie, a fireman's cap and magician's cloak and maybe just POSSIBLY wear some clown boots at next week's meeting with your boss? <small pause> ... 10 oclock at night. <small pause> think carefully. it could be a trick question...

Caller: What does that have to...

Me: Absolutely nothing. which is the exact point of this call, and the result you're going to get when we're done. Now, if you're done whining like an ignorant fool, is there anything else i can do for you that you can think of, aside from, oh say... hang-up?

Caller: <silence>

Me: Alright then, thanks for calling. buh-bye! <click>

.... oh the justice it would be if we could only handle calls like that...
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taran083

Posts: 6

new Posted: 04:24AM Mar 13, 2006

Here's another one: A locksmith company.

Caller: Hello? Yes. I need to have someone come out and unlock my car cause my keys are inside.

Me: Sure, what was your name please?

Caller: (Gives name)

Me: Your phone number?

Caller: (Gives a number)

Me: And where are you at right now?

Caller: (Gives address)

Me: Alright, thanks for calling, I'll have the locksmith call you back and give you prices and the time it'l take for him to get there."

Caller: Wait, how much is it going to be?

Me: ... (pause... just for dramatic effect) The locksmith will call you for that...

Caller: Well how long is it going to be?

Me: ... (A-NOTHER pause..) He will call you. I'm paging him right now.

Caller: Wait, i need to give you my number.

Me: I have your number at... (repeated number the caller gave before)

Caller: No, thats my home number, i need to give you my cell, i'm at my friend's house now.

Me: ....<call continues....>


I swear to god I got about 4-5 calls like this a NIGHT. Questions that beg to be asked... "Why'd you give me your home number when you're not at home?" "Is you're hearing aid on?" "Am I stuttering?" "Does your attention cost so much that you can't afford to pay it to me?" and lastly "Does your family still breed?"
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enderofgames

Posts: 20

new Posted: 11:04PM May 3, 2006

These would be great jokes, especially the top one. (Oh, that was a good one!)
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hubluza

Posts: 1165

new Posted: 01:28PM Jun 26, 2006

toadtalle
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