New Year's Resolutions


Details
Joke ID#9425
Funny (2.78)
Rating (0.65)
CategoryMen / Women  
Submitted ByPhaedorna
Special Add To My Favorites
Email Joke to Friend

Rate Joke
(88 votes so far)

If you become a registered user you can vote on this joke.



As we all prepare to start a new year, it is time again to make those ever so important New Year's Resolutions. Here is my list of recent years' resolutions and the revised ones for 2006.

Resolution #1
2003: I will try to be a better husband to Lisa.
2004: I will not leave Lisa.
2005: I will try for reconciliation with Lisa.
2006: I will try to be a better husband to Rachel.

Resolution #2
2003: I will stop looking at other women.
2004: I will not get involved with Rachel.
2005: I will not let Rachel pressure me into another marriage.
2006: I will stop looking at other women.

Resolution #3
2003: I will not let my boss push me around.
2004: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2005: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2006: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

Resolution #4
2003: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2004: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2005: I will read 5 books a year.
2006: I will finish Space.

Resolution #5
2003: I will not get upset when Bill and Roger make jokes about my baldness.
2004: I will not get annoyed when Bill and Roger kid me about my toupee.
2005: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.
2006: I will not speak to Bill and Roger.

Resolution #6
2003: I will get my weight down below 180.
2004: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2005: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2006: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

Resolution #7
2003: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2004: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2005: I will not become a "problem drinker".
2006: I will not miss any AA meetings.

Resolution #8
2003: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2004: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2005: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2006: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2008.

Resolution #9
2003: I will see my dentist this year.
2004: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2005: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2006: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

Resolution #10
2003: I will go to church every Sunday.
2004: I will go to church as often as possible.
2005: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2006: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.




Comments on this Joke
Hide Comments Below :
Posted by cartwheelmac Jan 07, 2006

I didn't like the last one. But the others were

Comment score: -1  

Posted by KoReAn_AnGeL Jan 11, 2006

thats a looooong list of resolutions. i bet that he wouldnt be able to do it all!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by tinsel Jan 12, 2006

This is exactly the reason that I don't make new years resolutions!!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Mar 29, 2006

How bout I will go to church every Suday.

Comment score: 1  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Mar 29, 2006

How bout I will go to church every Suday.

Comment score: 0  

You need to Register before you can comment.
Username: Password:

New Users...      Forgot Password?