Rules for Women

Joke ID#863
Funny (3.01)
Rating (0.7)
CategoryMen / Women  
Submitted ByDeathOfRats
Corrected By markmonnin
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Men's Rules for Women

1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2) Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

3) Saturday = sports.

4) Crying is blackmail.

5)Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

6) We don't remember dates. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.

7) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

9) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

10) Check your oil.

11) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

12) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.

13) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

14) Let us look. It doesn't hurt anyone, to look. And for us, it's genetic.

15) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

16) Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

17) ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

18) We are not mind readers and we never will be.

19) If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will believe you.

20) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

21) You have enough clothes.

22) You have too many shoes.

23) It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

24) BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

25) Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that - it's like camping.

Comments on this Joke
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Posted by Gizzer Apr 29, 2003

I like this one. Probably funnier for guys, but still funny. May I point out, for the record, that Christopher Columbus was trying to reach China - and never did. Perhaps asking for directions is not such a bad idea after all.

Comment score: 0  

Posted by rose_rox May 22, 2003

not all of these are actual rules - but funny, nonetheless.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by avril_lavigne Jul 07, 2003

SOME ONE COPIED YOU ALOT except added different ones and rules for men

Comment score: 3  

Posted by juggleboy502 Sep 09, 2005

i love these rules, they're so hilarious!!!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by swordoffury1392 Mar 08, 2006

good joke! ummmmm..... gizzer, correction, he was tryin to reach india, not china.

Comment score: 1  

Posted by boodler May 19, 2006

further to swordoffurry's comment - the clue is in the name "west indies" i.e. he thought he'd found India!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Eins Feb 09, 2007

And since the north and south american continents were not known to exist, him reaching the Bahamas instead of India is still a pretty good accomplishment. Seeing as he was at least pointed in the right direction =P.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by ComfyAndJoy Jun 25, 2007

Just a quick comment, (1) I don't have that many shoes. do u call 2 pairs "too many" (ones flip-flops and one's sneakers)my brother has more shoes than i do. (2) i h8 handbags, so BEER must not be that important to u. (3) i do not call my best friends "girlfriends" plus they have no simpathy. they tell me to take it like a woman, which does not include going and crying to ur mommy. it doesn't include crying at all. so there not all these rules. and enough with the whole columbus thing.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by Alexeagle Nov 28, 2007

Calm down ComfyAndJoy. It's called a joke.

Comment score: 4  

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