English As the Universal Language


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Joke ID#7463
Funny (3.09)
Rating (0.46)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted Byshimmermaid
Corrected By boodler
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The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.




Comments on this Joke
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Posted by tsurt Aug 06, 2005

That is definitely the funniest thing that I have read in a very long time. Well done!!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by imlaughin Aug 06, 2005

that was real funny, goin to my favs, i gave it a full smiley!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by shimmermaid Sep 06, 2005

Hey sailor...Why is this useless? It's a joke for goodness sake. Lighten up!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Shastaki Aug 24, 2006

Sailor, it's funny because it said the other launguage they were considering was german, and the language became a weird german/english hybrid.

Comment score: 1  

Posted by BBKatsu Dec 03, 2007

Yay. English German thingy...

Comment score: 3  

Posted by Love10394 Sep 29, 2010

This is sooooo funny. Just shows how there is funny rules in the English language

Comment score: 1  

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