English Language

Joke ID#623
Funny (2.53)
Rating (0.72)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted Bykittygirl126
Corrected By lyris
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Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies
while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of
tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a
single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what
language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run
and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and
oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold
as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of
course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

Comments on this Joke
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Posted by Jonesy Dec 16, 2004

Wow! What a very insightful view on the English language. BRAVO!!!Very clever!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by maria_08540 Apr 11, 2005

one of my all-time favorites!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by juggleboy502 Jul 30, 2005

i think that the reason this has a 2.3 rating is becuz not many people read it all, then rate it bad cuz they were too lazy to read it all... i read it all, and i enjoyed it a lot! AWESOME JOKE! people, pleez read all this, and if u dont read it... dont rate it!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by taran083 Sep 10, 2006

I believe people commented this to be a 2.3 rating because it's not your traditional joke. This essay springs alot of questions with proper examples, adding in humor with the examples as well. Whether or not people finished reading to properly rate the joke or not, i myself also rated a 2 smiley because that's what i feel it's worth. I love originality, and would like to see more jokes that people come up with rather than post a joke they saw on a different site. I have read this before, so that's why the downing of the joke. I've heard all sides of 'how' i should rate, but this is one of my own categories from which i make my decision.

Comment score: 0  

Posted by reptile5000 Jul 27, 2007

Well-put, Taran

Comment score: 2  

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