How to Write a Paper


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Joke ID#2718
Funny (3.13)
Rating (0.47)
CategoryCollege  
Submitted Byrose_rox
Corrected By schatzy228
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1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Stop off at another floor on the way back, and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a clean, well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it. I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.

13. Listen to the other side.

14. Check your email.

15. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.

16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the college, the world at large.

17. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

18. Make yourself a power snack.

19. Check your email.

20. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: a) Pro Bowlers Tour b) any news report involving the President.

21. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on Channel 26.

22. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.

23. Check your email.

24. Look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.

25. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask how everyone is.

26. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

27. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench coated strangers lurking in the hall.

28. Check your email.

29. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

30. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.

31. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

32. Lie face down on the floor and groan.

33. Check your email.

34. Leap up and write the paper.

35. Type the paper, and while you're at it, check your email.

36. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that damn paper.




Comments on this Joke
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Posted by Monique114 Sep 03, 2003

Hehehe, hmm sounds like the perfect way to write a paper. What, I mean, umm, yea, get right to that homework, sure, can't wait. :-b

Comment score: 2  

Posted by xinsanelyfunnyx Dec 27, 2003

cant wait to try it out! if this doesnt work I blame you!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by JyBabe3 Mar 16, 2004

My Paper Scheduale: Read Directions, Check E-mail, Read directions again, Surf the web, star the first paragraph, eat dinner, watch tv, go to school and say that I left it in my printer... (Now I could be doing my HW....)

Comment score: 6  

Posted by magicguy Oct 29, 2004

How did you know what I did the night before my paper was do.

Comment score: 3  

Posted by crazycriely Mar 21, 2005

VERY NOUICE! and so true! LUV IT! keep it up!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by rac76 Apr 07, 2005

this is so true!! I've done this a couple of times in the past!! I always waited until the last possible minute!! This was a good joke!!

Comment score: 3  

Posted by buttons Sep 21, 2005

I think this is the way everybody does it, eh? Very funny

Comment score: 1  

Posted by sunnyday311 Dec 19, 2005

I may not be in college, but apparently the same rules apply to those of us in highschool. Except I can't look out into the hallway to see if there are any creepy guys in trenchcoats lurking about.

Comment score: 0  

Posted by Dawn830w Dec 28, 2005

Very true...this joke hits a little too close to home for me. However, You left out the most important thing. Go to wocka and read a few jokes every few hours.

Comment score: 1  

Posted by jdillard Feb 05, 2006

I do that every paper exept you left one step out: Call mom and ask for help.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by hubluza Feb 20, 2006

Acually im in5th but it aplys also as early as 2ND

Comment score: 1  

Posted by faraaz Mar 30, 2006

hey thats exactly what i do

Comment score: 1  

Posted by teen_wiz Apr 15, 2006

so true...

Comment score: 0  

Posted by girliepie Jul 01, 2006

ha, ha, sounds like me!

Comment score: 3  

Posted by auntiesis Apr 12, 2007

This is not a joke, it is a how-to manual on writing an important paper. HaHaHaHa!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by BBKatsu Nov 30, 2007

That's me! Except instead of checking my email I'm on wocka!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by Alexeagle Mar 10, 2008

i always do that. like i should be doing a chemistry essay now...

Comment score: 2  

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