Men and Women
| Details | |
|---|---|
| Joke ID | #15994 |
| Funny |    (2.74) |
| Rating |   (0.84) |
| Category | Men / Women |
| Submitted By | shenqiang     |
| Corrected By |
boodler |
| Special |
Add To My Favorites |
| Rate Joke | |
|---|---|
(61 votes so far)
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I. Why does a man wants to have a WIFE?
Because: W = Washing I = Ironing F = Food E = Entertainment.
Why does a woman wants to have a HUSBAND?
Because: H = Housing U = Understanding S = Sharing B = Buying A = and N = Never D = Demanding.
II. HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
Show up naked. Bring Beer.
III. How To Impress A Man:
Trust him, cook at least 3 meals a day, go shopping often, don't ask him for the money, smile when you are mad, give him your paychecks, talk softly, don't ask where he is on Friday/Saturday/Sunday, love him, always say 'Yes dear', believe in his gambling, iron his clothes, polish his shoes, clean the house, know many recipes, pretend you enjoy beer/wine, be independent, wear Victoria's Secret clothes
How To Impress A Women
Make money & give her the money!
IV. Women's English...
Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
We need = I want.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead!
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
