Joke ID#14419
Funny (1.86)
Rating (1.73)
CategoryOne Liners  
Submitted BySquelch
Corrected By boodler
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Are you an aspirin? Because I'd like to take you every 4 to 6 hours.

There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount and take back to my place.

Excuse me, are you hiring? I heard you have an opening you need filled.

What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.

Do you like parties? Because you can climb up my pants and have a ball!

If you were vanilla ice cream and I was hot caramel, I'd pour myself all over you.

Here is $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come to talk to me. are like a tall glass of water, and I'm telling you str8 up I'm thirsty.

If you were a word on a piece of paper you would read (fine print).

Life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless.

Kissing is a language of love....... so how about a conversation?

If you were a laser you'd be set to stunning.

Baby, your lips are like candy and I'm the fat kid.

Baby, I want to wear you like a pair of sun glasses, one leg over each ear.

You're in a relationship, I'm in a relationship but that doesn't mean we can't have relations.

You must be a ship; you've always been on my radar.

If a blade of grass was sexy, then baby, you'd be a field.

If fine was a felony you'd be on death row.

Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way.
When she arrives say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum."

You owe me money! (Why?) Because you've been living in my heart and not payin rent.

Is there an airport nearby, or is that just my heart taking off?

You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.

(for an overweight person); "Hey baby, do you want to put the love in these handles?"

Am I in the woods? Cos you're a fox.

The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.

If you were a car, I'd wax and ride you all over town.

Excuse me for interupting, and I'm not trying to make a pass, but you must be leaving the country if youre packing that much ass.

Hey, I lost my gun holster, can I use yours?

Hey I am like a Rubik's cube; the more you play with me, the harder I get!

Cute smile...Is that the only thing you can do with those lips?

God almost didn't make you. He was afraid the angels would get jealous.

Starlight, starbright why don't you come home with me tonight?

Hi, I'm an fine art appraiser and your ass is priceless!

You must be a parking ticket because you got fine written all over you.

If Santa Claus comes down your chimney, and puts you in his sack, don't worry, because I wanted you for Christmas.

I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

If your left leg was Thanksgiving, and your right leg was Christmas, can I come see you between the holidays?

You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.


See that girl over there (if yes) she's likes nails. I sure hope you prefer screws cuz I can give you a lot!

Is your body a map? Cause I love to travel!

Let's go behind a rock and get a little boulder!!/p>

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

Smile if you want to sleep with me; then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...

If I flip a coin what are my chances of getting head?

Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?

Hey, they call me coffee cause I grind so fine

What's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some Vitamin me.

Haven't we met before?... I'm not too good with names but I'm awesome with numbers.

If a kiss was a snow flake I would send you a snow storm.

Your name must be mickey, cause you so fine. (In reference to One Hit Wonder Song by Toni Basil)

Nice pants...can I test the zipper?

I know hello in 6 different languages, which one do you want me to use in the morning?

Can I get your football jersey (what?) you know, your name and number.

If I put my key in your ignition will it turn you on?

I need to make a citizens arrest against you, cause it's a crime to be that fine!

You're like cigarettes, addictive as hell.

Did you brush your teeth this morning or do I need to taste them to find out?

Did you just take a shower or is it me that's making you wet?

I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the PRETTY WOMAN.

Do you have a boyfriend? Well, when you want a MANfriend, give me a call.

Wow, I must be good at darts, because I hit a bullseye with you.

Damn, girl, you're about to make the rocket in my pants blast off!

Have you ever slid down a rail; She says "no"; would you like to slide down mine?

Girl, you're so hot, I need oven mitts!

Hi, my name is Doug. Backwards, it's god with a little bit of U wrapped around it.

We're both fine specimens, let's say we go make some more.

Could you step away from the bar? You're making all the ice melt.

Do you have an extending ladder? Because the first wall you put between us was too high for my regular ladder.

Hey, baby, my underwear is completly stretched out. You know what that means.

Drop a packet of sugar on the floor next to the girl you are after. Pick it up and say "I'm sorry, but I think you dropped your nametag!"

Wanna try and Australian kiss? (what's that?) It's like a French kiss...only down under!

Hey you free for dinner? Because I have a private chef who makes a mean breakfast in bed.....You see where I'm going with this? (Works better if you actually do have a private chef)

Are you a drummer? Because you seem to know the beat of my heart.

Hey, you owe me a drink. I dropped mine when you walked past.

Are you a boxer? (No) Well, how about you get on your knees and give me two blows to the head?

Did you ever realize screw rhymes with me and you?

Are you an alien, cause you have just abducted my heart?

I'd buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the straw.

Did you wash your clothes in windex? Cause I can see myself in your pants.

Excuse me, do you have a quarter? (No, why?) Well, cause I told my girlfriend I'd call her when I found someone better.

Let's play circus; first sit on my face, I'll guess your weight and I'll eat the difference.

Do you have a cellphone in your back pocket? (why?) Cause yo booty been callin me alllll dayyyy.

Excuse me, I think you dropped something (when she asks what?) "My Jaw"

Since beauty is only skin deep, your body has no insides...

They say apples don't fall far from the tree, so that must mean your mom's hot too.

Girl do you have a fever cause you sure look hot!

I think I saw a picture of you once; I saw it in the dictionary, it was right next to the word "KABLAAM"

Do you like punani? .. Because I would like 2 eat some!

I like my coffee just like I like my women; (with extra sugar, black, etc.)

You wanna play pool? I'll shoot my balls in your holes.

Hey, baby, is your name Daisy? Because I have the urge to plant you right here.

It may be a needle, but it works like a sewing machine.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

Is that shirt (those pants) made of camel skin? (no, why?) cuz I noticed the humps.

Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, "Particularly nice weather."

Is there a magnet in here? Cuz baby I'm attracted to you.

I saw you from across the room, and I fainted, and hit my head, so I am going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

Hey, do you want to play Pearl Harbor? if yes, It is where I sit back and you blow the hell out of me.

Hey (say her name), I know this is not a chat room but my lips want to chat with yours.

You know what would look good on you? Me.

Were you standing by the fire? (why) Cause your hair is on fire.

You so fine I'd bite yo toe nails and drink yo bath water.

Do you like milk? Cause you have it around your lips.

(two girls are talking to each other) interrupt them saying, "Hello, ladies, I don't mean to come between you... or do I?"

Are your parents terrorists? Cause you're the bomb.

Excuse me...Hi, I'm writing an essay on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you.

Are you a high jumper? Because you make my bar go up.

Are you going to the BBQ? (What BBQ?) My meat in your grill.

The only vowels I need are U and I

Do you need a napkin? Because you look DIRTY!

Are you a pirate? {she replies no, why?} Cause I am diggin your booty.. (or chest)...

Baby, you give the sun a reason to SHINE.

Do you have 10 cents? Cause from here you look like a dime.

You have monkey wrench eyes; Every time I look into them my nuts tighten.

"If I was naked, holding some pie and ice cream, would that still be dessert? or would I?"

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

Do you have a Bandaid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.



Do you know where the nearest insane asylum is? Because baby, without you I'm going crazy.

I will be a Dixie Chick and you be my cowboy... now take me away!

Girl, do you take karate? Because your body is kicking.

Hey babe, can I have your number? I think it'll look better in my pocket than in your head.

"That shirt is becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too."

Is your last name Pepper? Cause you're SMOKIN!

Hey, baby, wanna see the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow?

Can I use your phone to call God & I need to tell him 1 of his angels is missing!

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.

I can't play the guitar but I'll sure pluck your G String.

Man.... Christmas must have come early this year because you were first on my Christmas list.

(boy) Wanna play Titanic? (girl) Yeah (boy) When I say iceberg you go down.

Are you THE MATRIX? Cause I'M THE ONE.

Hey, you know what? (What) You remind me of homework. (Why?) Because you're always ready to be done.

Do you have a paper towel? Cuz I get dirty lookin at you!

If you were my deck, I would take out the nails and screw you.

Before you put that outfit on they were just clothes, but with you in it, it is a fashion statment.

Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.

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