Grammar


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Joke ID#14143
Funny (3.01)
Rating (0.68)
CategoryCollege  
Submitted Byyourwrstnitemare
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Each simile listed below was actually used by high school students in their various essays and short stories:

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 P.M. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie, this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "second tall man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers race across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 P.M. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 P.M. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free




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Posted by enderofgames Feb 17, 2007

Great one! Keep up the good jokes!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Katelin Mar 22, 2007

Yeah, that was probably the most hilarious stuff I've ever read! Especially the "Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots" part! I was reading this to my boyfriend over the phone as I read it, and it took me about five minutes to say that one because I couldn't stop laughing!!!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Squelch Apr 13, 2007

i like the last one

Comment score: 1  

Posted by DennysGirl Jul 23, 2007

So funny. Good one.

Comment score: 1  

Posted by BBKatsu Nov 29, 2007

OMG jokes!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by eggface Nov 22, 2008

Hilarious!!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by gottalovetacsc Dec 31, 2009

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever." "He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree." My favorites!

Comment score: 1  

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