Speeding Ticket


Details
Joke ID#1262
Funny (3.42)
Rating (0.4)
CategoryMen / Women  
Submitted ByNewf
Corrected By anchmike
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(397 votes so far)

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A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting worried. "You what!?"

"She's in the trunk if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the liar told you I was speeding, too!"





Comments on this Joke
Hide Comments Below :
Posted by smartie_pants Jul 24, 2005

Very Smart Driver

Comment score: 8  

Posted by imlaughin Aug 01, 2005

I've heard this somewhere b4, this is a smart way 2 get out of a ticket, lol.

Comment score: 3  

Posted by toxic_happiness Aug 02, 2005

funny joke

Comment score: 3  

Posted by shimmermaid Aug 06, 2005

Brilliant!

Comment score: 5  

Posted by juggleboy502 Aug 15, 2005

LMAO!!!

Comment score: 6  

Posted by ashleyrena143 Aug 18, 2005

Very funny but it's already on this site somewhere

Comment score: 0  

Posted by ac3p1l07 Aug 28, 2005

This joke is nowhere to b found. Maybe on anuther site

Comment score: 3  

Posted by limefruitycutie Sep 02, 2005

that was funny

Comment score: 2  

Posted by Goettsche Oct 27, 2005

lmao! I might just try that when I get a speeding ticket...

Comment score: 2  

Posted by mini247 Oct 27, 2005

thats clever

Comment score: 3  

Posted by goosh Dec 02, 2005

HAHAHA!!!!!!!! that guy was good!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by 2sandwoman Dec 03, 2005

to the favs, obviously!

Comment score: 4  

Posted by love10394 Dec 29, 2005

yeah great!

Comment score: 4  

Posted by bananasisthisx Feb 12, 2006

tht was great!!!!!!!!!!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by cartwheelmac Feb 13, 2006

I agree with smartie_pants!!!!

Comment score: -1  

Posted by linkofhyrule Mar 04, 2006

Heard this B4, but still funny!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Elementsk8r Mar 20, 2006

i dont get it!!!

Comment score: -1  

Posted by faraaz Mar 29, 2006

good way to get away from a ticket

Comment score: 3  

Posted by speedywheels Apr 08, 2006

Nice Getaway!

Comment score: 3  

Posted by kikadez Apr 27, 2006

Funnnnnnnnnnntyyyyyyyyyyy:Lol

Comment score: 2  

Posted by timmycool Jun 20, 2006

HA! THATS WICKED !!!!!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by ouchy1 Jun 27, 2006

I'll explain it. The man lied about everything to the first officer, the told the truth to the second officer, and told him that the first officer lied to him and he wasn't speeding, although he really was speeding.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by ouchy1 Jun 27, 2006

post above is for Elementsk8ter and ne1 else who doesn't get it.

Comment score: 0  

Posted by girliepie Jul 01, 2006

That is funny!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by cheer492 Sep 10, 2006

lol i lov it!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by mathlover639 Sep 16, 2006

this is on funnyjunk.com

Comment score: 2  

Posted by ecksc Sep 21, 2006

ridiculous! do you know where this joke is goin? to my favs!!!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by jbsmooooth Oct 20, 2006

I just tell them "GO FOCUS ON THE REAL PROBLEM, KRISPY KREAM IS CLOSING SOON!" LMFAO

Comment score: 1  

Posted by carissker9 Nov 29, 2006

Is LMFAO laugh my fat *butt* off?

Comment score: -1  

Posted by ntsoaky Dec 12, 2006

left right, left right, left right , march 2 my faves!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by Sierramiss Jul 23, 2007

lmao!!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Hammer Aug 15, 2007

hilarious one of the best jokes in the whole site

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Joke_Master Oct 16, 2007

JUST AWESOME!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by sbk1993 Mar 28, 2008

this is so cool. the guy knows how to talk.

Comment score: 2  

Posted by juan3629 Oct 11, 2011

LOL funny I would do that to get out of a ticket

Comment score: -1  

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