Chuck Norris Facts: 12


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Joke ID#10469
Funny (1.56)
Rating (1.06)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted ByGeemiee
Corrected By boodler
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When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds", he was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.




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